I had an experience the other day where my husband and I were having a conversation and I became very aware of the filters through which I see him. In fact, there were so many I COULDN’T see him. Let me explain.
In our childhoods, we develop, what I call emotional filters or screens. They can be both positive and negative filters. In my case, some are/were very negative, I suffered horrible sexual abuse from many men at various stages of my development growing up. There were women abusers as well but they were not as severe as the men. I developed emotional filters through which I see my world, my life and those people in my life. These can overlap as “agreements” as well. One filter is/was “all men are pigs”. Another one is/was “no man can be trusted”. Another one is/was “all men are sneaky”. And the list for me can go on and on and on about just men alone. I say is/was because I am just now in the conscious state of addressing these issues and working on taking down these filters. So the other day while having a conversation with my husband I became very aware of multiple filters through which I see him, or actually don’t see him, because I see the filters first, not him.
So this was a week ago tomorrow, very new and very fresh. Since this awareness, I have begun to mentally take the filters down when talking with him. Not an easy task, but doable with conscious effort and compassion for both myself and him. BUT it doesn’t stop there. This new awareness, I have found, is filtering into ALL of my relationships, with men, with women and my kids, with television shows, it’s very bizarre and very interesting to me. It is as if I have new eyes. I had no idea how many filters I was viewing my life through.
Now the concept of emotional filters or screens is not new to me. I have known about them for 10 years or more, but never actually applied them. I believe all things unfold in perfect timing. The last 2 years I have been doing my heart chakra work. Roger (my husband) and I came up with a mantra when we renewed our wedding vows 2 years ago. The mantra is this: “My heart is now open and trusting, my heart is now open and receiving, my heart is now open and giving, my heart is now open and loving.” I have been working very hard to open up my heart chakra, my hearts energy field. I don’t think I was ready to see the filters 2 years ago until I did the work to open up this heart energy.
So try identifying the filters through which you see your life, your world, and all the people in it. Do you have some that are holding you back from living a full, loving, and joyous life? Are there filters that you once needed to keep you safe, that are no longer necessary? Do you want to love those in your life more fully but don’t know how? Try looking for those filters.
As I have begun to see him with no filters, I’m profoundly saddened that I have missed a lot of experiencing him over the years. Today is a new day and with this new awareness and knowledge I get to see him and the rest of my life with new eyes, and for that, I am extremely grateful!