Are you Stuck in a Victim Mentality?
Did you know that the experts in the field of psychology agree that a victim mentality develops as a result of emotional, physical, and other needs not being met as a child? A victim mentality is a learned and acquired behavior, which means it is not a biological or genetic issue. That might be good to know. If it is learned then it can be unlearned.
Do you ever find yourself asking or thinking, “Why me?”, “The world hates me.”, “The world isn’t fair.”, “The reason why I’m not happy is because someone did something to me.”, “It’s not my fault.”, “I was taken advantage of.”, “I was abused.”, “God did it to me.”, “The devil did it to me.” ” I never win.”, “I never get lucky.”, “What did I do wrong?”And the list could go on and on. We all know people like this. We all want to avoid people like this, they are energetically draining, right?
Victims refuse to take responsibility for their own lives. Everything in their lives that is not right is someone else’s fault. Their life would be wonderful if everyone else would just do what they’re supposed to do. They believe they have absolutley no control over what is happening to them. They point the finger and blame anyone but themselves. And when something bad happens they get stuck playing it over and over and over in their heads and feed off of the drama it creates.
Are you one of these people? Do you want to change?
Here are my 5 steps to begin to change your victim mentality.
- Boost your self-esteem, self-worth. This can be accomplished by using my 40-day shift chart. (found on my website) Pick anything you want and do it for 40 days. It can be brushing your teeth. It can be going to the gym. It can be sitting mindfully for 5 minutes every morning. Anything you want. It is hard to explain HOW the 40-day shift chart works, but a shift occurs in your self-esteem when your ego realizes you mean business in what you say you’re going to do and then following through and doing it. Once you have accomplished your first 40-day chart you have more self-esteem and you want to do more, achieve more, and that then leads to you feeling better about yourself, less of a victim. You prove to yourself you CAN be in charge. You CAN direct your days. You can decide to do something and be successful at accomplishing it.
- Focus on what you CAN control, stop focusing on the things that are out of your control. Start small, like brushing your teeth. Work up to things like what time you go to bed. Don’t let others dictate when you go to bed or get up. Focus on all the things that ARE in your control. Make a list in the first couple of days where you are in control of your life. Maybe it’s the food you choose to eat, the parking spot at work and so on.
- Create a NEW STORY. Decide to stop telling yourself the OLD story of not being in control of your life, and create a new story about being IN control. This step may take a few months. The first step here is to be aware of when you are telling yourself a story about how things are. Are you telling the truth? Are you living in a fantasy and not looking at reality? Re-write the story of your life. Begin to take personal responsibility and stop blaming others.
- Learn Extreme Self-Care. A victim mentality often develops when emotional, physical and other needs are not met in childhood. That means it’s your turn. It’s your job and responsibility to nurture yourself. And this is true for people who don’t have a victim mentality. Once we leave our parents house that responsibility falls on our shoulders. Most people have no idea how to nurture themselves. Here are some examples. Take time out of each day for yourself. You alone, by yourself, doing nothing but being. Develop affirmations/self-talk that is loving and kind. Stop yourself when you become self-judging. Remove yourself from abusive situations. Take a shower every day. Brush your teeth each night. Go tot he gym or take a walk, do something to keep your body strong and healthy. Light a candle and reflect on all the positive good things in your life. There are many ways to self-nurture. Develop a habit of noticing the things you are grateful for.
- Develop a routine of giving back to others. Volunteer at your local school to read to the kids. Pick up trash. Work at a local grocery store a couple hours a week for free. Go to your retirement home and sit and read to an elderly person. Find ways to give back each week. This will make you feel better. And when you begin to feel better you stop looking for others to blame.
Living with a victim mentality or living with a person who has a victim mentality is exhausting. Once you begin the shift you will have freed up the energy to do other things in your life, hopefully, more enjoyable ones. Your loved ones will LOVE you for making the change, the shift. Be patient with yourself it won’t happen over night.
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