For years I never let anyone in. I never let anyone really see me. I was afraid to allow anyone to see my raw emotion, my feelings, my light, my shadow. Most people I know have this fear. Most people I know still keep some aspect of themselves hidden. Who does this help? What is the point to keep ourselves hidden? I think a certain level of self-worth has to be reached in order to step out of the box and build a door through which you can run. In the running, I have found freedom. Spiritual freedom. Physical freedom. Emotional freedom. In that freedom is a degree of free-falling on a spiritual level. To be able to just “be” in the presence of all the people in my life is a blessing of magnificent proportion.
When we set out to build our support system we generally pick people we know are “safe” at first. And by that, I mean people who won’t rock the boat. This way we can pretend we are out of the box, but we’re in a protected safety zone of sorts. We know this group of people will still be “nice”. They won’t REALLY confront us if we do something that isn’t really healthy or good for us. They won’t speak up if we exhibit behaviors that are not in alignment with who we have said we really want to be. They will pick us up if we fall, don’t get me wrong, but they won’t stand in the arena and ask the really hard questions. Most of the time they aren’t the ones that would get dirty with us. These people are NOT your tribe. These people are NOT your true support system. These people probably need a good swift kick in the ass to be forced to wake up, just like you do.
So what does it take to allow people in, or to develop a tribe of people who will stand in the arena of life and ask those really hard questions, or to get their own hip boots on and say, “I am here until the dawn and then if you need me even longer, I am here for you. I will do WHATEVER it takes to help you.” In the great expanse of one’s life, how ever many years that turns out to be, we only need a couple of these kinds of people to really shift our lives. It takes self-love, I have come to find out. Self-love so intense that it will make you fall to your knees in gratitude. This kind of self-love requires an awareness that takes clarity and practice. This kind of self-love is work. It takes totally body, mind, and spirit acceptance of what is. This seems to come later in life for many. Many times you see people who have been diagnosed with an illness or who have suffered horrible trauma or loss come to the self-acceptance piece of loving themselves to the point that they are willing, to be honest, and open and real with anyone, sometimes to a fault. But I think it’s in the thinking the thoughts of, “I can lose everything I am, and everything I have, in a moment in time, so I might as well BE here and BE me with everyone I know”, that leads to being able to be exactly who we are in this moment and to trust the outcome, whatever that may be.
My hope is that people can reach this point without trauma or illness to push them over the edge into self-acceptance. Total self-love and trust to be vulnerable to a chosen few, their tribe, to feel that feeling of free fall into the unknown, knowing you are going to be just fine.
Find your support system. Love them. Support them as they support you. Love yourself enough to know you deserve this kind of support in your life, right now.